Foo for the Soul

Life Pivots, What Keeps Me Up At Night, and A Quest For Joy

2011-02-02T14:33:00.002-05:00

Throwback to a good ol' fashion, ansty ramble

For those who I haven't talked with for a while, I will be transitioning away from GiveLoop, a start-up a friend and I have been working on since the summer. We are currently in the process of selling the company and I am excited about the idea of a blank slate for the next step in my career/life.

(btw, on the subject of life transitions, I highly recommend this TED talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/raghava_kk_five_lives_of_an_artist.html)

To be completely honest, I'm kind of sick of the idea of another web/technology start-up. Out of habit, I consume about 100 articles a day regarding online start-ups. The sound of another "pivot", "a-b test", or "value proposition" makes me cringe (yes, I realize I used the word "pivot" in the title). Not to say that I am "quitting" the Web game (I'm kind of binded to it at the moment), but I've been really thinking about another angle or direction I can go in.

If you haven't watched the above TED talk, please do. In it, artist Raghava KK talks about his five lives (or "avatars") as an artist. I like the idea of seeing your life in phases or stages of metamorphosis. There's something freeing about having the possibility to wake up one morning and totally re-define how you identify yourself.

For most of my professional life (~6 years), if someone asked me what I do, I'd say, "I'm a web designer/developer" or "I'm working on an online start-up". I guess you can say that's my current identity and first real "avatar". And now that I've finished a quarter-century of my life, I kind of want to explore another avatar.

For a while, I've been thinking a lot about this concept of "Joy".

In 2004, a high school friend and a then-recent college friend stumbled upon the concept of "Joy" in the school dining hall. We were trying to figure out the best possible message we can tag anywhere and everywhere. "You are my joy" was blurted out and a chord was struck. Throughout the next couple years, we spread the message on walls, doors, sidewalks, chairs, trains, and whatever surface we could spray/stick/write without getting caught. I thought it was a fun project, but for a while I never thought too much into it.

But as time on, the philosophy of "Joy" slowly developed with the help of some close friends. The physical message of "You are my joy" became less important than the actual experience of writing it or reading it. And then the act of writing and reading "You are my joy" became less important than those you were thinking about when you wrote it or read it. It is like a very simple art that only really requires active engagement with another person- a medium that anyone has access to. It can manifest itself in something as simple as a shared moment with someone, where saying "You are my joy" simply acknowledges that this moment is in this other realm of "art" or "Joy".

Joy has become an ongoing idea and thought-process that is very important to me. Although I wanted to give more time for the concept to mature, I think a learn-as-you-go approach makes more sense right now. So hopefully in the next year or two, if someone asks me what I do, I would naturally say, "I'm an artist" or "I'm a Joy evangelist". If I don't, please punch me in the gut and yell "Avatar!".

On the Subject of Beauty, and Why I Don't Do Macs

2010-11-19T02:11:00.000-05:00

At this point, I think about 90% of my friends own Macs. So Brian, they ask, when are you getting a Mac? These things are awesome, they say, why are you using a PC? They cite Apple's superior usability, rock-solid hardware, and super-reliable OS. Thanks for your input, I say politely, I will consider your feedback and get back to you shortly.

I've learned not to argue with the Mac owner. They clearly made that conscious jump to a Mac and would like to impart their new-found knowledge on those who have not get found their Way.

So why don't I own a Mac? I have two answers for that- one is rational and the other is irrational. My rational answer is a very simple cost-benefit analysis. Is the added benefit of (perceptively) better usability and better hardware/software (debatable) worth the premium of paying for a Mac? My personal answer is no. I find myself very productive on a PC, rarely have any problems with viruses/crashing, and rarely have any major malfunctions (no more than the average PC or Mac). I believe any added productivity on a Mac or PC would be marginal and thus not worth a significant premium.

But for the more interesting, irrational reason why I don't have a Mac: Macs are beautiful. And yes, that is why you own a Mac. To repeat, whether consciously or subconsciously, that is why you own a Mac. Perceived superior usability and marginally better reliability are convenient reasons for the switch... but we both know you're dating her because she's hot.

And of course that's a perfectly good reason. A very positive physical bond is good for any long-lasting relationship. But as far as digital relationships go, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There is a certain acquired beauty in a PC that isn't for everybody. She's a bit quirky, sometimes gets sick, sometimes goes blue. But in the end, we make things work. Over time, I've learned how to manage and often prevent any fights we get into. I guess what I'm trying to say is that me and the PC have a long history. And even that alone has significant, albeit irrational, influence on my decision-making. I acknowledge and respect the universal beauty of the Mac. But to me, her beauty is empty, without substance, weight.

And Steve Jobs is kind of a jerk.

Just sayin

Web Development Rap Part II

2010-11-18T03:41:00.002-05:00

I like my browser cookies hot
I like my ladies a little bot
And my regular expressions more than not,
I like them with a little dot
Cuz my skillz are not the same
I can put your game in an iframe
But I know you're not to blame
Cuz there's no API for lame
And I'll make your site perspire
Cuz I don't know when your headers expire
Sorry, I hate to be an abuser,
but my name is ";DROP TABLE user"
Ohhhhh shit
Did I just commit in your girl's git?
I tried to make her quit
But she kept googling me like Eric Schmidt
I know you're not good with the chicks
You're as compatible as IE6
Your game is like Blockbuster
And mine like Netflix
What?
Are my words to hard too dope to cope?
I serve you like data via SOAP
You wish you can touch me
But I'm outside your scope

:x

I'm out

~ MC function Foo()

Part I found here

The Colorful Personality Project

2009-12-26T03:35:00.014-05:00

This is an introduction to an art project I plan to pursue in the next few months (thanks to kai for inspiration). The basic idea is to associate good friends with colors and use those colors in various ways in various artworks. [Note: Sorry to friends who weren't included in this- I've tried to include just those who I feel I know enough to judge their personalities- which probably means you should take me out to dinner more often.]

So how are the colors calculated you ask? I simply map the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator with the CYMK color model. If you are not familiar with the Myers-Briggs indicator, essentially personality types are broken down into four dichotomies: Extravert/Introvert, Sensing/Intuition, Thinking/Feeling, Perceiving/Judging. I map which preferences I think you are (from 0% to 100%) to the CYMK color value (Cyan, Yellow, Magenta, Black).

The process by which I assigned these values may not strictly follow the actual Myers-Briggs Indicator since I tried to simplify each dichotomy into a question which I compulsively answered for each person without thinking too much into the question (in hope to be more "honest" with my assignments). The questions I asked for each pair were approximately as follows:

Extravert/Introvert: At a party, do you start the conversation, or do you wait for others to
Sensing/Intuition: In TV series Lost, would you be Jack Shephard or John Locke (sorry for those who haven't seen Lost)
Thinking/Feeling: Do you despise romantic comedies, or do you outwardly or secretly love them
Perceiving/Judging: Do you prefer to take things as they come or plan ahead

Here are the results in the form of color and your initials (the photoshop savvy can probably reverse-engineer your scores - Edit: see update 1).

I did a bit of analysis just for kicks to see if there were any glaring patterns in my friends. Unfortunately (or fortunately) the personalities are pretty balanced, with the exception of the first dichotomy, which is significantly more extroverts than introverts (which makes sense, since I am an introvert, creating a chicken-egg dilemma with other introverts). There are also a bit more judgers than perceivers- otherwise, the other two are pretty balanced.

I broke the results up into various segments such as female/male, old/new (pre-college, post-high school), lived with/ didn't live with, platonic/crush+ (crush+ = anywhere between had a small crush on to had a relationship with- don't bother trying to reverse-engineer this, you'll get nowhere), and just for fun, Mac vs PC. As you can see once again, the segments are pretty balanced usually resulting in a dark-pinkish-grayish color.

This is likely more interesting to me than it is to you, which is why I'd recommend you try it for yourself with your friends- you might be surprised by the results!

Update: Since the color mode is automatically converted when I save as a jpg or gif, I cannot post an accurate color model. If you really want to know, download the photoshop file here: http://brianfoo.com/projects/cymk/cymk.psd. Make sure you're in CYMK color mode... to test its accuracy, my color is [92,18,27,75]. Unlike past interpretations of you, I am willing to give anyone explanations of your scores if you ask. Generally, the more blue you are, the more introverted you are (red being more extroverted). If you are more feeling, you will become pinker if you are extroverted and more violet if you are introverted. If you are more intuition, your color will become more dull if you are violet, and more orange-y if you red/pink-ish. Darker is more judging, and lighter is perceiving.

Update 2: I accidently reversed the judging/perceiving pair... I've updated the post to reflect the fix- everything should now be accurate

Foo Family Q1 Performance & Member Evaluations

2009-04-13T17:35:00.005-04:00

Hi kids, glad you could all make it today. I would like to just get right to the point, since you all have to go off to school very soon (except one of you-- I'll get to that point later). I would just like to start off by saying, we had an good first quarter given the current environment. And by 'good', I mean not great. We set particular goals in December, which we came close to, but did not hit-- we did not reach gold. That said, we had some excellent performers, and some not so much. You may have heard rumors that there may be some stategic down-sizing to our family. And I am sad to say that these rumors are true.

I just want to remind all of you that your Mom and I love you all very much, and the decision to let go of any of our family members is part of a very long, difficult process. And as a part of our initiative to remain as transparent as possible, we would like to share with you our evaluation process. Essentially, we ranked our family members with the following matrix:

performance
^
|-----------|
| | |
| 2 | 1 |
| | |
|-----------|
| | |
| 4 | 3 |
| | |
------------> attitude (the "Foo way")

As you can see, you can be one of four possible family member types. Family member #1 is the best kind of member- you get results in academics, athletics, extracurriculars, and household responsibilities and you do it with the right attitude (a.k.a. the "Foo-way"). Family member #2 gets results, but does not do it the right way- sure, you may get good grades or do well in sports, but is not up to your real potential. It is our job to identify such individuals as soon as possible and talk with those individuals. Generally, we give only one warning for this type of member, then we let them go. Family member #3 does not get results, but is trying to the best of his/her ability and shows potential for being a type 1 member. It is our job to help these individuals get to #1 and not fall into #4. Family member #4 does not belong in our family (no results, wrong attitude), and is let go immediately (generally this happens organically). Here are this quarter's rankings:

1st Daughter: #3
1st Son: #2
2nd Daughter: #1
2nd Son: #3
Dog: #1

In our Q4 meeting last year, I said if we do not reach our set goals for Q1 2009, we will not be giving out allowance bonuses. However, your Mom and I agreed that we are willing to make exceptions to our #1 members for this quarter. All #1 members this quarter will receive an extra $100 in allowance, prime time remote control priveleges for certain days of the week, front-seat priveleges, and participation in the summer vacation planning committee. For our #3 members, keep up the hard work- you are on your way to being #1's. For those who are neither #1 or #3's, we appreciate your time and effort in the past, but tough times call for tough measures. Please begin to pack your belongings, your Mom and I will get in contact with you shortly.

Thank you for your time,
Brian, Co-Director of the Foo Family

Cubicle Blues Haikus

2009-04-09T19:19:00.000-04:00

Compiling my code,
Oops null pointer exception,
Keyboard out window

Alone on Facebook,
Happy faces on news feed,
Life truly pointless

I, like a pixel,
Uniform, anonymous,
Faceless, and numbered

Co-workers inquire,
How do I fix z-index?
I say, F my life

Please fix Pandora,
She thinks I like the Offspring,
Though, I'm pretty fly...

Why frozen dinners?
Cause I'm hungry and lazy.
Don't judge me smart-ass

Bathroom etiquette,
Don't talk to me while I pee.
Hands off my bowels

Working late at night,
Ethnic engineers, confused,
Am I in Asia?

Twitterin in the Zhou Dynasty

2009-03-23T16:27:00.002-04:00

Username: Confucalicious
Name: Confucius
One Line Bio: Very Quotatious. I perform random acts of Confuciousness.

"to study and not think is a waste. to think and not study is dangerous." Good enough for the #Analects?
2 minutes ago 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from web

just ran into @laozi... tryin 2 get him 2 join twitter... keeps blabbering on about "effortless action" or smtg
2 hours ago 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from TwitterBerry

*sigh* tryin to explain rectification of names to @qiquan... obviously not gettin it
23rd day of the 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from TwitterBerry

on a date w/ @qiquan at the Qufu Cheesecake Factory... hope they still have that sacrificial meat I like
23rd day of the 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from TwitterBerry

@zhuangzi your tao blog post just blew my mind!
21st day of the 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from web

"What you know, you know, what you don't know, you don't know." These quotes just keep comin
19th day of the 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from web

Random idea: put my thoughts on little pieces of paper in a cookie... satisfy appetite AND intellect at the same time!
19th day of the 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from web

Poll: should I grow out my beard? Might make me look more bad-ass
18th day of the 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from web

Is anyone else's robe chafing?
16th day of the 32nd Moon of the Spring and Autumn Period from TwitterBerry

Blog Shuffle

2009-03-17T12:30:00.001-04:00

Over some time, there's a bunch of things that I wanted to blog about, but ultimately felt that they were best eaten in slices than in entire pies. Therefore, I will present them to you in a sampler of mini-posts, since they just couldn't make it on their own as full posts, and were a tad too long for Twitter.

Collectors and Destroyers

I always wondered what made me a manic collector of action figurines, toy cars, trading cards, goosebump books, and (unfortunately) pogs, and people like my brother, a destroyer of said collections. I also see my nature to collect things reflected in my approach to other things in life. I only like to do projects in which I can actually measure the accumulated progress of said projects. I think this is related to my all-or-nothing tendancy, as a collector's need to have ALL of a collection, otherwise it's not worth it. The negative part of being a collector is that you are often risk averse and slow to adopt, and many times miss opportunities for good change.

The Incredible Shrinking Man

I know being short has definitely shaped who I am, but to what extent? There's the obvious Napoleon complex that drives me to destroy all things tall. As far as sports, I've been driven towards more individually-focused sports (as opposed to team sports) such as martial arts, wrestling, pole-vaulting, and rock-climbing. My center of gravity is very low, so I have good balance which probably helped drive me towards b-boying. I'm always in the front of pictures, always struggle in large crowds, and don't know what the tops of people's heads look like. What would my life be like if I were just 3 inches taller? Would I just be a taller version of me? Probably not by far...

Shitty Behavior

I hate taking a crap next to someone. It's disgusting and uncomfortable. Usually I just wait it out, but there's this one other person at work who hates crapping next to people more than me. I know him by his shoes. And unfortunately we're always on the same crap schedule. Even if I come in after him, he will not go until I go. Sometimes we'll sit there for minutes on end, in silence, calling each other's bluff. He always wins. Damn, I just need to change my crap schedule.

Learning from Mistakes Without Making Them

I feel this is always a double-sided sword. The idea is that if you sit back and observe in life, you will learn from the mistakes of other people- much easier than actually making the mistakes yourself. It makes sense and has worked for me to an extent. The other side of the coin is that you're sitting back and observing. Sometimes we're defined by our scars, and sometimes making mistakes is just a part of the bittersweet experience of life, and sometimes the only way to really learn.

My Band Name

2009-03-05T16:57:00.001-05:00

Alice in Chains, Led Zeppelin, Vampire Weekend, Modest Mouse, Velvet Underground. I wish I had a band just to make a name for it. Not necessarily because it would be creatively challenging... on the contrary- because it will be so damn easy! Let's take a look...

Method #1: [Food you are eating] of [last foreign city you visited]
Result: Salmon Sashimi of Paris

Method #2: My [Adjective to describe your mother] [Sexiest feature of your body]
Result: My Gregarious Calf

Method #3: [Name of the main character in the last movie you watched]'s [Thing you hated most about high school]
Result: Jamal's Dirty Jocks

Method #4: The [Year you would go to if you could time travel] [Funniest animal you can think of (plural)] Band
Result: The 1158 Platypi Band

Method #5: [Name of the closest person to you] and the [Favorite Element] [Weapon of Choice]
Result: Raymond and the Water Staff

Method #6: [Adjective to describe the worst porn you've seen] [Your major in college]
Result: Scatterific Computer Science

Method #7: [Strong emotion you last felt] against the [Charity you would donate to if you had $]
Result: Angst against the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Method #8: [Your favorite Disney character] killed [Movie villain you are most afraid of]!
Result: Dumbo killed Hannibal Lecter!

Casualties of Analysis

2009-03-02T11:46:00.000-05:00

The question here is should I throw darts or spagetti at life? Over-analysis of the infinite choices in life, though thoughtful and logical it can be, likely leads to delayed experience or inaction. But the wrong decision can lead me to a loop or dead-end. If my life is a $20 bill, what should I get on the menu? I could take the time to think it through, analyzing each item, each description, weighing value, nutrition, taste, and size. But in the end, shouldn't I just be going with my gut?

Fear of failure is a nonsensical fear to have, but ironically one that can be hidden under what can be perceived as wisdom or prudence. Think of the best moments in your life. How many of these moments were the product of careful thought and planning? How many were just a product of the randomness of the universe? Repeat these questions with the most important people you've met in your life. And the last question: what failures in your life have created permanent damage to you?

Our existence really only exists in the memory of others. Connections and thoughtful interactions between people are really the only thing that matters in the grand scheme of things. Why should I hold myself back from creating and maintaining connections and interactions between close friends, aquaintences, or strangers based on some fear that I will be wasting my time with one party verse another one that may be better, but may not even exist.

Potential aquaintences, potential friends, potential close friends, potential lovers, potential enemies. They are all casualties of my analyses. Damn.

Best Guess: Popular books I've heard about, but never read

2009-02-27T18:42:00.000-05:00

Here's my best guesses:

Secret Life of Bees

Genre: Suspense/Thriller. Ben, a beekeeper from Vermont, stumbles upon an awful, awful secret when collecting honey from his bees one day. A baffling series of hexagonal symbols are found near the murdered body of Ben's life-partner, Jerry. Ben continues to follow these strange symbols through a bizarre set of riddles and brain-teasers to discover a trail of clues leading him to the works by Georgia O’Keeffe (American painter of vagina-like flowers). Ben finds these clues to be intimately connected to the mysterious figure Melchizedek, who is mentioned in the Bible in connection with giving communion to the patriarch Abraham. Melchizedek brought three gifts to earth from the planet Venus... one of which were... you guessed it, bees. The mystery unfolds.

The Alchemist

Genre: Sci-fi Romance. An android and an alchemist... the unlikeliest love story in this steam-punk futuristic world of wizard cyborgs and clerics with guns. Will this dark and menacing environment keep the love between the android and the alchemist from blooming? Will the Council ever allow androids to be accepted as humans, and more importantly allow the marriage of two lovers?

Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Genre: Gay & Lesbian. A story of a young boy growing up with two fathers, one of whom is an oil tycoon and the other a lowly pottery maker. The poor dad cannot help but feel inadequate when compared to his rich partner, and most shameful in front of his son. But little does the poor dad know that he is actually the great grand nephew of Andrew Carnegie, American steel tycoon. Despite his new found wealth, the former poor dad realizes he was already wealthy with his love for his son.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Genre: Children's Book. The very colorful pop-up book teaches young tots some of the 7 habits of highly effective people, including eating, walking, pooping, and peeing.

The Paradox of Time Travel

2009-02-18T22:04:00.001-05:00

"One stubborn problem with time travel is that it is riddled with several types of paradoxes. For example, there is the paradox of the man with no parents, i.e. what happens when you go back in time and kill your parents before you are born? Question: if your parents died before you were born, then how could you have been born to kill them in the first place?

There is also the paradox of the man with no past. For example, let’s say that a young inventor is trying futilely to build a time machine in his garage. Suddenly, an elderly man appears from nowhere and gives the youth the secret of building a time machine. The young man then becomes enormously rich playing the stock market, race tracks, and sporting events because he knows the future. Then, as an old man, he decides to make his final trip back to the past and give the secret of time travel to his youthful self. Question: where did the idea of the time machine come from?"

-- Dr. Michio Kaku, The Physics of Time Travel

This looks fun... let me try.

There is the paradox of the man with the ambiguous girlfriend. A man "Jack" gets in a fight with his girlfriend "Jane", get's pissed off, builds a time machine and goes back in time before he meets Jane. Then, from the past Jack sends Jane an e-mail saying he's breaking up with her. Jane is confused but highly turned on, since she hasn't gotten any ass in months. Jack and Jane start going out. Question: Should Jack offer to pay the whole bill on the "first date"?

There is the paradox of the man who friended himself on Facebook. A young man in college joins Facebook. He then receives a message from an elderly gentleman claiming he is actually him in the future. The young man is amused and drunk, so he decides to friend him. However, when he tries, a Facebook message pops up saying "You cannot be friends with yourself." Question: How did Facebook know?!!

There is the paradox of the man who is his son and his dog. A man "Jack" encounters an evil wizard who turns him into a dog "Rover". Rover then has sex with some bitch and out pops Rover Jr. A good wizard then turns Rover Jr. into a human "Jack Jr." who claims Rover as his pet. When Rover dies years later, Jack Jr. gets sad and builds a time machine and goes back in time. Jack Jr. then encounters an evil wizard. Question: Who cleans who's shit?

Brian Writes an e e cummings Poem... Using Recursion

2009-02-13T16:38:00.002-05:00

The Algorithm:

function processEEPoem($words,$str){
if (count($words['objects'])<=1||strlen($str)>1000) {
return $str;
} else {
if (strlen($str)>20) $str = $str."
\n";
$key = array_rand($words,3);
$val = $words[ $key[0] ][ rand(0,count($words[ $key[0] ])-1) ];
$val2 = $words[ $key[1] ][ rand(0,count($words[ $key[1] ])-1) ];
$val3 = $words[ $key[2] ][ rand(0,count($words[ $key[2] ])-1) ];
$rand = rand(0,3);
switch( $rand ) {
case 0: $str .= "$val $val2 $val3 ";
case 1: $str .= "($val)$val2$val3";
case 2: $str .= "$val-$val3 ";
default: $str .= substr($val,0,2).", $val2 ";
}
if (rand(0,3)==0) $str .= "?";
unset($words['objects'][rand(0,count($words['objects'])-1)]);
unset($words['objects'][rand(0,count($words['objects'])-1)]);
return processEEPoem($words,$str);
}
}
$initWords['pronouns'] = array("thy","thee","o","mine","thou");
$initWords['verbs'] = array("pinched","poked","sprung","prodded","conceived","squeezed");
$initWords['adjectives'] = array("sweet","naughty","mighty","scraggy","rhythmic","spontaneous");
$initWords['objects'] = array("lover","fingers","death","gods","beauty","thumb");
echo processEEPoem( $initWords,"" );

and the results...

mighty rhythmic poked poked fingers prodded

(mine)fingerssweetmine-sweet mi, fingers
sprung thee lover (sprung)theeloversprung-lover sp, thee
th, squeezed ?
mine-scraggy mi, squeezed
thee pinched (thee)pinchedthee- th, pinched
prodded-thee pr,
-prodded , o ?
mighty thee (mighty)theemighty- mi, thee
, thy
pinched-thee pi,
thee rhythmic (thee)rhythmicthee- th, rhythmic
, poked
scraggy-prodded sc,
sweet- sw, thy
()sweetsqueezed-squeezed , sweet
th, pinched ?
thou poked sweet (thou)pokedsweetthou-sweet th, poked
th, ?
, sweet
o, squeezed
sprung mighty (sprung)mightysprung- sp, mighty
-conceived , o ?
thee-sweet th, prodded ?
scraggy conceived (scraggy)conceivedscraggy-conceived sc,
o, pinched
o-naughty o, pinched
thee rhythmic (thee)rhythmicthee- th, rhythmic
(thee)sprungthee- th, sprung
(thee)sweetthee- th, sweet
sp, mine
pinched thee ()pinchedthee-thee , pinched

try it out here!

The Power of Conforming and Distress

2009-02-10T15:26:00.001-05:00

Don't get me wrong, radical and risky ideas and actions are necessary for real positive progress on the numerous and complex issues facing our planet today. Namely, radical ideas make kind-of-radical ideas sound not so bad and give perspective, breadth, and balance to our shared knowledge. Radical actions and images inspire thought, dialogue, and change. But I would like to take a moment to defend the conformists, sell-outs, and tools of our society- perhaps even argue that such individuals are actually the tools of positive change.

Now don't get me wrong again. Being a conformist, sell-out, or tool is bad... under certain conditions. In our capitalistic democracy, the dollar is the key to power. The machine is run by the man. You either work for the man, are the man, or are against the man. The man determines how the people should look, act, acquire wealth, lose wealth, what is moral, what is immoral. The man determines the rules. Play by the rules or go play somewhere else. But if you play by the rules, you are lending yourself to the machine. You will become a shiny gear and your work will dissipate into dollars and cents. Why would you ever want to conform?

First I would have to note the requirements of knowledge, education, and distress. Knowledge in the sense that you understand the issues that exist on a local and global level. Education in that you have acquired the tools to assess and implement ideas. And finally, distress would signify your uneasiness towards the fact that these issues exist and are not being sufficiently engaged.

Knowledge and education is a completely separate issue that I will not go into. I would briefly say that modern technologies like the World Wide Web can be a great tool for change in this area. But ultimately, a more structural change is needed to shake the root of this issue. So for the sake of argument, I will assume you, the conformist, is knowledgeable and educated.

So the variable here is distress. To be the right kind of conformist, you must be in a constant state of distress. Lose your distress, and become the wrong kind of conformist. The main idea here is in order to change the game, you must play the game without forgetting you're in the game. The man humors those against him, but listens to those with him.

And change from within will always be superior to change from without. Change caused by external forces will almost always be short-term change and will not address the root issues. Internal change is passive change and difficult to see immediate results, but the inches of progress is real progress and can be reaped over time. Remarkable individuals inspire and are remembered for change, but average individuals create the real change with small, cumulative actions. Just as great scientists are celebrated for breakthrough ideas, but it is the common engineer who materializes these ideas for the common citizen.

So I would say if you are a conformist, sell-out, or tool, stay on track and stay distressed. Strive for small, lasting changes. And when you become the man, help a brother out.

Brian's Web Development Rap

2009-01-27T22:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, fuck all you hatin mutha fuckas

To all the bitches on the 'net with Flash and applets,

I know you got shitty game cuz ya methods are lame

If you wanna roll with ME, you need compatabiliTEE

Yeah, I like my honeys hot, who generate objects on the spot

You heard me right, AJAX makes frontin niggas hide

I'm talkin javascript, css, xml, and scripts on the server-side

So if you fuck with the W-3-C, you FUCKIN with the W-3-ME

And your talks gettin old cuz u don't validate ya code

Uh-huh, I make my queries like I make my moneys

And my smooth Schemas freak all the honeys, playboy bunnies

And don't you think it's funny I go pee-pee on yo H-T-T-P?

Yeah, don't hate me, cuz I just SQL-Injected yo mom-MEE

And Open-Source of course is how I roll

I'm rockin Apache, PHP, and My-See-Quoll

All you propriety mutha-fuckas can suck my cock

Bill Gates? Steve Jobs? Nah son, Linus Torvalds is what I rock

Yeah I know my widgets be mad nasty

Your charsets fucked up, so you lookin up yo ASCII

So why don't you go home and play with yo WYSIWYG interface

And I'll continue to code this cyberspace with style and grace

Fuck all them hoes, I'm out

Why Inconsistency is Sexy

2009-01-19T02:28:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to pin point what I find the most attractive in the opposite sex. And I think I'm getting closer to the answer: inconsistency. I've found that if I can tell you why I like somebody without stuttering, cursing, or taking long confused pauses, then I would consider that a red flag.

I know this may sound confusing. Shouldn't I know what characteristics I like in others? And shouldn't those people consistently embody those qualities? Sure, on paper that would make the most sense. That would also certainly make things much easier. However, since I cannot consistently pinpoint what I like in other people, then naturally, those who are the most inconsistent I would be most attracted to.

But Brian, would that mean you would only be attracted to crazies and people with multiple personality disorders? Not really. These people are consistently inconsistent, which would fall in the realm of consistency. Always knowing what someone will do or say next is just as bad as never knowing. So maybe I need to use slightly different language: I think inconsistent inconsistency is sexy.

But to further look into this, I ask, what makes someone inconsistently inconsistent? I think this ties into another quality I find very attractive: Open-mindedness. I believe we are shaped by the ideas, experiences, and people that surround us. If you are not open minded, you would be more likely to surround yourself with the same kinds of ideas, experiences, and people; in turn, your actions and views will become more and more consistent with these ideas, experiences, and people. On the other hand, if you are open-minded, you are more likely to learn new things, try new things, and meet new people. That's sexy.

But that explanation still doesn't satisfy me. But I think that's the point. By definition, if I were able to easily define this perfectly inconsistent person, it would contradict her inherent inconsistent inconsistency. Make sense?

Brian's Answers to Difficult Questions

2008-12-26T16:04:00.000-05:00

Q: Why does my life feel so empty?

A: You're probably not getting enough vitamin C. Most will suggest oranges, but I am an ardent advocate of the mango. High in antioxidants, vitamins A, C, and E, mangoes are definitely the superfruit you need to get from sad to glad. Also, did you know mangoes are the most consumed fruit in the world? Don't believe those banana propagandists (bananagandists).

Q: I don't think my significant other loves me anymore, how can I tell for sure?

Place a raisin in your belly button (only if you are an inney... if you're an outey, it's already obvious why your significant other doesn't love you anymore). If your significant other fails to find this raisin in a 48 hour period, he or she does not love you. If your significant other finds it then eats it, you have a winner my friend.

Q: I don't believe this is the life I'm supposed to be living. Am I crazy?

No, you are a superhero. You must now put yourself in life-threatening situations in order to find exactly your powers are. I suggest jumping off something high first.

Q: I am bored and unfulfilled at my job, what can I do?

If you have drawers or file cabinets at your work desk, try to raise small animals while at work. Start with turtles or hamsters and eventually work your way up to small marsupials or monkeys. Perhaps having the responsibility of caring for other lives while at work will give you the professional fulfillment you were always craving.

Q: I'm thinking about buying a Mac, should I feel shame?

A: You must be in a very scared and vulnerable point in your life. Don't panic or feel shameful. In fact many people choose to use Macs and continue to live mostly normal and drug-free lives. Just remember that this is a decision that has a real impact on the people that care about you.

My Favorite Word

2008-11-17T17:44:00.001-05:00

I feel inclined to fill up this blog as quick as possible to take advantage of my initial motivation to write in a blog again. So here it goes...

Duende
My Favorite Word and Why

It's a Spanish phrase pronounced like 'Dwen-day'... how cool is that word even just on it's own? It's a tad difficult to explain and like most things I find pleasure in, it's easier to experience than explain. Here are some quotes from Lorca's Theory and Play of the Duende:

The duende is not in the throat: the duende surges up, inside, from the soles of the feet.

Everything that has black sounds in it, has duende.

Wow... that's so freakin cool. If you've experienced the Duende, you can surely understand what he means by "black sounds", or more generally, the blackness or darkness of Duende. The Duende usually manifests itself in the performing arts, but can also exists in other areas such as visual arts or poetry. The closest word in english that I could think of is "Soul" (i.e. 'that jazz musician is playing with a lot of soul') which I think is still very far from Duende.

The Duende's beauty comes from it's spiritual darkness and earthiness, which can almost be described as pagan or demonic. The performer becomes possessed by the Duende much like a Vodou Priest would become possessed during a ceremony. But I wouldn't consider this "dark" in the sense of evil or harmful- rather, "dark" in the sense that it represents the inner uncertainty and struggle of the artist to his or her art, and at the same time, the artist's intense need to become swallowed by it.

And when a dancer or a musician is swallowed by the Duende, it's almost as if the performer's body and senses are in perfect alignment with the spirit of the Music (the "dark sounds"), and all fear and insecurity are completely absent. It's weird that every now and then humans have a need to be broken by whatever forces drive our universe and face their mortality and fears directly, almost out of a need to feel alive. The Duende exists for anyone willing to face it and be taken by it.

That's why Duende is my favorite word.

Re-Introduction & Introduction to What is Joy?

2008-11-17T11:37:00.001-05:00

Over the past year or so, I have been in somewhat of an artistic hibernation. Perhaps, my teenage angst has finally subsided or maybe just redirected to other things. Nonetheless, I feel my vocabulary slowly slipping away from me as I have not written in quite a while. So in short, I plan to start with a clean slate on this blog (sorry, Xanga of old). I will make it the goal of this blog to be as entertaining and witty (if not more) as I was in my younger years or less sober times.

With that, I want to jump right into a theme that I hope will be prevalent (at least implicitly) in my writings: JOY.

What is Joy, Brian? I usually don't have a good answer for this, which actually makes sense since Joy is better experienced than explained. But since this still doesn't satisfy the curious, I will try my best to explain what Joy is to me.

I believe the main point of Joy is that it occurs as a direct connection between two people. This is a one-to-one, bi-directional, and collaborative connection. Joy manifests itself in a variety of ways, but I will use Art as a starting point since Joy and Art are so closely tied together.

Traditionally, Art has an artist-viewer model in which the artist creates art independently from his or her potential audience. However, with Joy, the artist and viewer are indistinguishable in that they are equally involved in the piece of art. Moreover, the artwork itself is the result of the connection between the two people. In other words, the piece would not exist if there did not exist a connection between the two people involved. In the Joy philosophy, everyone is an artist. This type of art is often more about the action or performance, likely temporary, and performed with the other person in mind.

We've all experienced this in one way or another. It can be as simple as a child drawing a picture for his or her mother for Mother's Day or making personalized gifts for close friends. And beyond art and gifts, Joy can manifest itself in something as simple as a moment or experience. "You are My Joy" is just a way to acknowledge the connection that you feel- that this is no ordinary moment or experience, but one that is in the realm of Joy.