Brian's Web Development Rap

Yeah, fuck all you hatin mutha fuckas

To all the bitches on the 'net with Flash and applets,

I know you got shitty game cuz ya methods are lame

If you wanna roll with ME, you need compatabiliTEE

Yeah, I like my honeys hot, who generate objects on the spot

You heard me right, AJAX makes frontin bitches hide

I'm talkin javascript, css, xml, and scripts on the server-side

So if you fuck with the W-3-C, you FUCKIN with the W-3-ME

And your talks gettin old cuz u don't validate ya code

Uh-huh, I make my queries like I make my moneys

And my smooth Schemas freak all the honeys, playboy bunnies

And don't you think it's funny I go pee-pee on yo H-T-T-P?

Yeah, don't hate me, cuz I just SQL-Injected yo mom-MEE

And Open-Source of course is how I roll

I'm rockin Apache, PHP, and My-See-Quoll

All you propriety mutha-fuckas can suck my cock

Bill Gates? Steve Jobs? Nah son, Linus Torvalds is what I rock

Yeah I know my widgets be mad nasty

Your charsets fucked up, so you lookin up yo ASCII

So why don't you go home and play with yo WYSIWYG interface

And I'll continue to code this cyberspace with style and grace

Fuck all y'all, I'm out

Why Inconsistency is Sexy

I've been trying to pin point what I find the most attractive in the opposite sex. And I think I'm getting closer to the answer: inconsistency. I've found that if I can tell you why I like somebody without stuttering, cursing, or taking long confused pauses, then I would consider that a red flag.

I know this may sound confusing. Shouldn't I know what characteristics I like in others? And shouldn't those people consistently embody those qualities? Sure, on paper that would make the most sense. That would also certainly make things much easier. However, since I cannot consistently pinpoint what I like in other people, then naturally, those who are the most inconsistent I would be most attracted to.

But Brian, would that mean you would only be attracted to crazies and people with multiple personality disorders? Not really. These people are consistently inconsistent, which would fall in the realm of consistency. Always knowing what someone will do or say next is just as bad as never knowing. So maybe I need to use slightly different language: I think inconsistent inconsistency is sexy.

But to further look into this, I ask, what makes someone inconsistently inconsistent? I think this ties into another quality I find very attractive: Open-mindedness. I believe we are shaped by the ideas, experiences, and people that surround us. If you are not open minded, you would be more likely to surround yourself with the same kinds of ideas, experiences, and people; in turn, your actions and views will become more and more consistent with these ideas, experiences, and people. On the other hand, if you are open-minded, you are more likely to learn new things, try new things, and meet new people. That's sexy.

But that explanation still doesn't satisfy me. But I think that's the point. By definition, if I were able to easily define this perfectly inconsistent person, it would contradict her inherent inconsistent inconsistency. Make sense?

Brian's Answers to Difficult Questions

Q: Why does my life feel so empty?

A: You're probably not getting enough vitamin C. Most will suggest oranges, but I am an ardent advocate of the mango. High in antioxidants, vitamins A, C, and E, mangoes are definitely the superfruit you need to get from sad to glad. Also, did you know mangoes are the most consumed fruit in the world? Don't believe those banana propagandists (bananagandists).

Q: I don't think my significant other loves me anymore, how can I tell for sure?

Place a raisin in your belly button (only if you are an inney... if you're an outey, it's already obvious why your significant other doesn't love you anymore). If your significant other fails to find this raisin in a 48 hour period, he or she does not love you. If your significant other finds it then eats it, you have a winner my friend.

Q: I don't believe this is the life I'm supposed to be living. Am I crazy?

No, you are a superhero. You must now put yourself in life-threatening situations in order to find exactly your powers are. I suggest jumping off something high first.

Q: I am bored and unfulfilled at my job, what can I do?

If you have drawers or file cabinets at your work desk, try to raise small animals while at work. Start with turtles or hamsters and eventually work your way up to small marsupials or monkeys. Perhaps having the responsibility of caring for other lives while at work will give you the professional fulfillment you were always craving.

Q: I'm thinking about buying a Mac, should I feel shame?

A: You must be in a very scared and vulnerable point in your life. Don't panic or feel shameful. In fact many people choose to use Macs and continue to live mostly normal and drug-free lives. Just remember that this is a decision that has a real impact on the people that care about you.

My Favorite Word

I feel inclined to fill up this blog as quick as possible to take advantage of my initial motivation to write in a blog again. So here it goes...

Duende
My Favorite Word and Why

It's a Spanish phrase pronounced like 'Dwen-day'... how cool is that word even just on it's own? It's a tad difficult to explain and like most things I find pleasure in, it's easier to experience than explain. Here are some quotes from Lorca's Theory and Play of the Duende:

The duende is not in the throat: the duende surges up, inside, from the soles of the feet.

Everything that has black sounds in it, has duende.

Wow... that's so freakin cool. If you've experienced the Duende, you can surely understand what he means by "black sounds", or more generally, the blackness or darkness of Duende. The Duende usually manifests itself in the performing arts, but can also exists in other areas such as visual arts or poetry. The closest word in english that I could think of is "Soul" (i.e. 'that jazz musician is playing with a lot of soul') which I think is still very far from Duende.

The Duende's beauty comes from it's spiritual darkness and earthiness, which can almost be described as pagan or demonic. The performer becomes possessed by the Duende much like a Vodou Priest would become possessed during a ceremony. But I wouldn't consider this "dark" in the sense of evil or harmful- rather, "dark" in the sense that it represents the inner uncertainty and struggle of the artist to his or her art, and at the same time, the artist's intense need to become swallowed by it.

And when a dancer or a musician is swallowed by the Duende, it's almost as if the performer's body and senses are in perfect alignment with the spirit of the Music (the "dark sounds"), and all fear and insecurity are completely absent. It's weird that every now and then humans have a need to be broken by whatever forces drive our universe and face their mortality and fears directly, almost out of a need to feel alive. The Duende exists for anyone willing to face it and be taken by it.

That's why Duende is my favorite word.

Re-Introduction & Introduction to What is Joy?

Over the past year or so, I have been in somewhat of an artistic hibernation. Perhaps, my teenage angst has finally subsided or maybe just redirected to other things. Nonetheless, I feel my vocabulary slowly slipping away from me as I have not written in quite a while. So in short, I plan to start with a clean slate on this blog (sorry, Xanga of old). I will make it the goal of this blog to be as entertaining and witty (if not more) as I was in my younger years or less sober times.

With that, I want to jump right into a theme that I hope will be prevalent (at least implicitly) in my writings: JOY.

What is Joy, Brian? I usually don't have a good answer for this, which actually makes sense since Joy is better experienced than explained. But since this still doesn't satisfy the curious, I will try my best to explain what Joy is to me.

I believe the main point of Joy is that it occurs as a direct connection between two people. This is a one-to-one, bi-directional, and collaborative connection. Joy manifests itself in a variety of ways, but I will use Art as a starting point since Joy and Art are so closely tied together.

Traditionally, Art has an artist-viewer model in which the artist creates art independently from his or her potential audience. However, with Joy, the artist and viewer are indistinguishable in that they are equally involved in the piece of art. Moreover, the artwork itself is the result of the connection between the two people. In other words, the piece would not exist if there did not exist a connection between the two people involved. In the Joy philosophy, everyone is an artist. This type of art is often more about the action or performance, likely temporary, and performed with the other person in mind.

We've all experienced this in one way or another. It can be as simple as a child drawing a picture for his or her mother for Mother's Day or making personalized gifts for close friends. And beyond art and gifts, Joy can manifest itself in something as simple as a moment or experience. "You are My Joy" is just a way to acknowledge the connection that you feel- that this is no ordinary moment or experience, but one that is in the realm of Joy.