Brian's Web Development Rap

Yeah, fuck all you hatin mutha fuckas

To all the bitches on the 'net with Flash and applets,

I know you got shitty game cuz ya methods are lame

If you wanna roll with ME, you need compatabiliTEE

Yeah, I like my honeys hot, who generate objects on the spot

You heard me right, AJAX makes frontin bitches hide

I'm talkin javascript, css, xml, and scripts on the server-side

So if you fuck with the W-3-C, you FUCKIN with the W-3-ME

And your talks gettin old cuz u don't validate ya code

Uh-huh, I make my queries like I make my moneys

And my smooth Schemas freak all the honeys, playboy bunnies

And don't you think it's funny I go pee-pee on yo H-T-T-P?

Yeah, don't hate me, cuz I just SQL-Injected yo mom-MEE

And Open-Source of course is how I roll

I'm rockin Apache, PHP, and My-See-Quoll

All you propriety mutha-fuckas can suck my cock

Bill Gates? Steve Jobs? Nah son, Linus Torvalds is what I rock

Yeah I know my widgets be mad nasty

Your charsets fucked up, so you lookin up yo ASCII

So why don't you go home and play with yo WYSIWYG interface

And I'll continue to code this cyberspace with style and grace

Fuck all y'all, I'm out

Why Inconsistency is Sexy

I've been trying to pin point what I find the most attractive in the opposite sex. And I think I'm getting closer to the answer: inconsistency. I've found that if I can tell you why I like somebody without stuttering, cursing, or taking long confused pauses, then I would consider that a red flag.

I know this may sound confusing. Shouldn't I know what characteristics I like in others? And shouldn't those people consistently embody those qualities? Sure, on paper that would make the most sense. That would also certainly make things much easier. However, since I cannot consistently pinpoint what I like in other people, then naturally, those who are the most inconsistent I would be most attracted to.

But Brian, would that mean you would only be attracted to crazies and people with multiple personality disorders? Not really. These people are consistently inconsistent, which would fall in the realm of consistency. Always knowing what someone will do or say next is just as bad as never knowing. So maybe I need to use slightly different language: I think inconsistent inconsistency is sexy.

But to further look into this, I ask, what makes someone inconsistently inconsistent? I think this ties into another quality I find very attractive: Open-mindedness. I believe we are shaped by the ideas, experiences, and people that surround us. If you are not open minded, you would be more likely to surround yourself with the same kinds of ideas, experiences, and people; in turn, your actions and views will become more and more consistent with these ideas, experiences, and people. On the other hand, if you are open-minded, you are more likely to learn new things, try new things, and meet new people. That's sexy.

But that explanation still doesn't satisfy me. But I think that's the point. By definition, if I were able to easily define this perfectly inconsistent person, it would contradict her inherent inconsistent inconsistency. Make sense?